Learning to Disagree
The longer I continue in life, the more I see that there are so many different responses to disagreements. Some people like to engage and reason, some like to yell and shut down, some like to ask where we can agree, some like to call in authorities, some like to talk about it with anyone other than the person that the disagreement is with. It can be challenging to teach children how to effectively disagree when they are surrounded by messages that teach them otherwise. A brief scroll through the day’s news gives people enough affirmation that you can hurl insults when someone has a different opinion, contact authorities and complain about those who challenge your ideas, talks about all of your faults (real or imagined) behind your back, create petitions to get you removed from whatever job you hold, and shut down agencies because you cannot find common ground to work from. Do these things and you’ll be famous across social media and in the news outlets. Teaching children that caring about the health of your relationships more than you care about being right is an uphill battle when society affirms the opposite. Demonstrating how difficult conversations are worth having and can be done when the parties commit to finding what matters in respectful ways is not easy when society celebrates the loudest voice. But it’s a far sight easier to do this work with children than with adults who are set in their patterns of behavior. This is why we need resources dedicated to this, such as John Inazu’s newest book, Learning to Disagree.
Learning to Disagree follows a Law and Religion professor through an academic year of lessons about how people disagree. Chapters are headed by month of the year, paired up with a question about hot topics related to how people learn to get along. Questions such as Can we know what is fair? play out against Can anything be neutral?, guiding the reader through various scenarios that The author teases apart each question by relating to everyday interactions he has in the classroom, in his family, with colleagues, and in the general public. No concrete answers are given in the chapters, allowing the reader to chew on the examples, relate them to their experiences, and find ways to find what rings true in their lives. At the end of the book, you find reflection questions that help guide the reader to deeper understandings.
Learning to Disagree is more than a book for adults to read independently, chew on, and put back on the shelf. Yes, you could pop this into your church library. It would be a great addition. There would be great power in your leadership team reading this together over the course of a year and discerning how the topics included can be helpfully incorporated into ministry planning. You could use this for an adult book club, or as a dedicated read for your young adult ministry. It can also help inspire a sermon series. Don’t silo this book away- you’ll find that the meat of it, combined with the reflections will lend itself to many purposes in your ministry!
